


The Spirit Carries On

by Sterek_Madness



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Hurt, I Don't Want Derek to Die I Don't Know Why I Wrote That, I am a terrible person, Loss, M/M, No Beta Sorry For The Mistakes, One Shot, Pain, Songfic, i am so so so sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-24
Updated: 2014-08-24
Packaged: 2018-02-14 10:55:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2189091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sterek_Madness/pseuds/Sterek_Madness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After recovering from the Nogitsune, Stiles and Scott drifted apart while Stiles and Derek slowly became close friends. They spent most of their time together and have a very special bond start to grow between them. But what happen when Derek's gone ?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Spirit Carries On

_**" If I die tomorrow, I'll be alright because I believe that after we're gone, the spirit carries on "** _

****

 

«  _There’s no one in town I know_

_You gave us some place to go_

_I never said thank you for that_

_Thought I might get one more chance »_

 

 

Four months. After four months, as usual, Stiles was pacing in his room, his eyes fixed on the cell phone he left on the bed. Should he call ? Or wait again ? Now would be a good moment to call, wouldn’t it ? It was like, 11 in the morning, this guy wouldn’t be busy at that time of the day, would he ? Doing what by the way ? Lurking ? Growling at people ? 

 

‘ No ‘, he told himself, ‘ I’m gonna shower and read a book, or play Xbox, I’m not gonna call him again.’

 

Seconds later, he was on the phone.

 

\- Hey Derek, it’s gotta be my… like hundred unanswered call. I just wanted to know if you were okay, again. I, huh, I’m at home right now and i’m bored so I told myself, why not bother him huh ? But of course, you wouldn’t answer. Scott’s with Kira, I think they’re finally together now, he moved on. I can’t. I just… can’t.

 

He hung up and threw is phone away violently. A loud crash was heard in the room and he knew that his phone was probably broken, again. 

 

 

_« What would you think of me now ?_

_So lucky, so strong, so proud_

_I never said thank you for that_

_Now I’ll never have a chance »_

 

_________________________

 

 

\- Again, Stiles ?! What is it, the fourth this month ? What the hell are you doing with your phones ?

\- It’s the second, dad. And i’m sorry… I was just…, he sighed.

\- You were what ? His dad asked, arching a brow.

\- I was mad, okay. I just… I didn’t meant to, it just happened.

\- Don’t tell me you called him, again. Son, He won’t answer, the sheriff said with a pained look, Why are you doing that to yourself ?

\- Because, I can’t help it. I just can’t, okay ? I know that he wasn’t exactly your favorite person on the planet, and trust me he wasn’t mine either at first.

\- I didn’t say that. He was a good guy.

\- Is.

 

The sheriff sighed, defeated. 

 

\- He was studying to you know… work with you.

\- I know, Stiles. I was there remember, the older one answered slowly.

\- How did he do ? At the test, I mean.

\- You know I can’t answer that and it doesn’t matter anymore, Stiles.

\- Yes, it does.

 

Stiles looked at his dad for a moment, a pained smile on his face. 

 

\- What do you want to eat ?

\- Burger, his father said with fake enthusiasm.

\- Veggie… Burger, you mean.

\- Of course, wouldn’t dream of any other way, would I ?

\- Riiight, Stiles snorted.

\- Any plans with your friend Scott, today?

\- Huh no, I’m pretty sure he’s gonna spend his afternoon with Kira, to ‘ study’, he emphasized with his hands. Lydia’s with your youngest and best deputy now so she doesn’t really have the time to hang out with me either -not that she already had time to hang out with me and don’t get me started on Uncle Creepy.

\- You’re not allowed to «  hang out » with Peter, his father said in a serious tone, pointing his finger to his son in.

\- Come on, dad I was joking. The guy freaks me out and gives me goose bump, and not in a good way. Besides, nobody knows where he is. Probably doing something evil.

\- As long as he’s not in this town, I’m fine with it. 

 

Stiles snorted.

 

\- Yeah, I guess we all are, Stiles answered truthfully, I’m going to prepare your burger. Huh dad, Are you on the night shift tonight too ?

\- Yeah, sorry son.

\- It’s okay.

 

It really wasn’t. He felt like he had no one anymore. His dad woke too many hours and nobody came to visit anymore.

 

\- It’s not. I’ll try to be home more often after this case, I promise.

\- I said it’s okay, dad. I’ll drop by Derek’s loft this afternoon, it’ll keep me busy.

 

The sheriff didn’t acknowledge that with an answer.

 

 

_«  May angels lead you in_

_Hear you me, my friend_

_On sleepless road, the sleepless go_

_may angels lead you in »_

 

 

_________________________

 

 

When Stiles arrived at the loft, it was exactly like the previous week. No one seemed to have dropped by while he was at home. His glass was still in the sink and the covers of the bed were still half laying on the floor. He looked around him for a moment, trying to see if there was some changes, any sign that someone came. When he was positive there was no sign of anything unfamiliar, he sat on the bed, phone in hand. He typed the number he knew by heart and waited until the familiar voice told him his correspondent wasn’t reachable at the moment, that he should leave a message.

 

\- Hi again, it’s me. I’m at your loft right now and it feels kind of empty. Even Peter hasn’t dropped by. I just… I miss you, dude. This pattern we had, whatever we had, I miss it. Everyone’s scared or at least, avoid me. I think they still see me, somehow, as the Nogitsune. I know ‘cuz even my dad looks at me like a bomb ready to explode, which i’m not. I feel lonely, empty. I know that we had a rule about not talking about our feelings or anything but you’re not here to hear me complain about anything else so you brought this on yourself, buddy. Maybe if you had picked up the phone, we could have avoided that but you never pick up your damn phone. You probably won’t recognize this number, by the way, it’s my dad’s. I broke my phone, again, he sighed, Derek… Just pick up. 

 

He fell asleep on the bed, his head buried in Derek’s pillow, phone still in hand in case Derek would call. He never does.

 

 

« So what would you think of me now

so lucky, so strong, so proud

I never said thank you for that

Now I’ll never have the chance »

 

 

_________________________

 

 

\- Son.

\- Agh, dad, he said rubbing his eyes, Fancy seeing you here.

\- Yeah well, you hadn’t come home since monday. That’s four days, Stiles.

\- I’m sorry.

\- I’m worried, Stiles and so are your friends. Scott called, he said you didn’t answer his texts. Lydia dropped by, too.

 

He shrugged. 

 

\- Scott was talking about Kira, again. He didn’t even ask how I was. Told myself I’ll answer later, it could wait anyway.

 

The sheriff sighed heavily and went to sit on the bed, next to his only son. He hesitated for a second but put his hand on Stiles’s forehead, the younger of the two relaxed a little at the gesture.

 

\- Mom always did that, when I couldn’t sleep. She put her hand on my forehead, then she let it slide in my hair, he said his throat constricting.

\- I know, she always knew what to do to make you feel better.

\- Why does everyone leave, dad ? We already lost so much this past few years, why does everyone have to leave ? Are we not worth staying for ?! He murmured, tears streaming down his face.

\- It’s gonna be alright, son, the sheriff answered faintly, holding his crying son in his arms. It’s gonna be alright, he repeated.

 

Stiles was crying loudly in his dad’s uniform, his body shaking uncontrollably. 

 

\- I miss them, dad. I miss them so much. I miss mom. I miss Allison. I miss Cora and even Isaac and that asshole Jackson. I miss Erica & Boyd, I didn’t like Aiden but he didn’t deserve it, I miss having a normal life… I miss hanging out with Scott. I miss pinning for Lydia ‘cuz that was the only thing I was worried about… And I miss Derek. I miss Derek so much, ‘cuz he was always there… Always keeping an eye on us after everything. I miss hanging out with him at night, or watching baseball at home with the two of you, I miss him being the grumpy sourwolf that he is. I miss talking to him, I miss having a friend, someone who understands me.

 

He fell asleep on his father’s arm, exhausted and overwhelmed by his emotions.

 

 

_« May angels lead you in_

_Hear you me my friend_

_On sleepless roads, the sleepless go_

_May angels lead you in »_

 

 

_________________________

 

 

The next day, the sheriff went to pick his son at Derek’s loft. He was worried about him but didn’t know how to help his son, he felt so helpless, seeing him falling apart like this broke his heart and he wished he could fix this. Fix the situation, fix the ache in his son’s heart. Stiles was right, they already lost too much and he was far too young for the kind of pain he was carrying. He was supposed to focus on school, and graduating, and falling in love. Instead, he was trying to recover from a monster possessing his body, from friends who were avoiding him, and from loss. Loss of his friends, of his mother. 

 

When he opened the door, Stiles was still laying in Derek’s bed. He had bags under his eyes and was white as a sheet. The sheriff decided to leave Stiles at the loft, the day before. He didn’t have the heart to wake him up when his son was obviously struggling to have a good night of sleep without crying or waking up from nightmares. He knew things with Scott weren’t the same anymore, Stiles blamed himself for Allison, even if everybody knew he wasn’t at fault and Scott… Well, he was a great kid but when he was in love, he had the tendency to forget there was people who needed his attention too. Then Derek started to drop by at the house, to see how Stiles was doing. At first it was once or twice at week, in the end it was everyday. They were good for each other, they had a weird dynamic and were always snapping or snarking at each at first other but then they talked and they learnt a lot about each others and were inseparable. What they were exactly, he didn’t know. He just knew that, Stiles has never been that close to anyone before, not even Scott. Then, Derek stopped dropping by, and he lost that too.

 

\- Time to wake up, kiddo.

 

Stiles slowly opened his eyes.

 

\- Hello, dad.

\- Take a shower, we’re going out, The sheriff said, throwing some clean clothes to his son.

\- What about work ?

\- I took the day off. Come on, there’s somewhere we have to be.

\- Do we have to meet someone ? 

\- Kind of.

\- Okay.

 

Stiles woke up slowly and went to take a shower. 10 minutes later, he was ready.

 

\- Why do I have to wear a tie ?

\- You’ll now why, now come on.

 

They locked the door and climbed in Stiles jeep, parked right next to Derek’s old Camaro.

 

\- What are the flowers for ?

 

He didn’t answer, just gave his son a tight smile.

 

 

_«  May angels lead you in_

_May angels lead you in »_

 

 

_________________________

 

 

\- Hi mom… I’m sorry for not coming sooner. It’s been really complicated for us, this past few months, he sniffed. Dad is doing good, even if I know he still worries way too much for me… We’re taking care of each other but it’s not always easy with all the shits going on here. I know, domes of my friends are here with you so, please say hi to them for me okay ? Tell Allison that we miss her and that… I’m sorry, he rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand, I’m so so sorry… And I miss you so much, mom. I don’t visit you as much as I would want ‘cuz, it still pains me to be reminded that you’re not here. I want dad to be happy again, I want him to stop worrying and I need you to hold me in your arms ‘cuz I’m falling apart… I need you to hold me against you and tell me that everything is gonna be okay, that everything is just a bad dream and I’ll wake up. I love you, mom. 

 

Stiles felt a hand on his shoulder and looked at his dad. He knew his father hadn’t listen to what he was saying to his mother but he couldn’t help but blush a little, slightly embarrassed for the way he was acting. His father gave him the bouquet of flower and Stiles put it on the tomb.

 

\- I gotta talk to your mother.

\- Yeah, I’ll go to the car.

\- Stiles, I didn’t come here for you to talk to your mother. There’s a second bouquet in the car.

 

Stiles nodded dumbly, his body trembling. He walked slowly to the car and took the second bouquet in the back seat. He stared at it for a long time, asking himself if he had the courage to do this. He closed the door and left for the last place he wanted to go. Lydia and Scott were already there, waiting for him, both of them very nicely dressed. He gave them a faint smile that both of them returned, without talking. Lydia approached him first and closed her arms around him. He broke. He kept sobbing in her arms, she kept holding him tighter, whispering soothing words to his ears that had no effects. When she let go of his body, she took his hands in hers, squeezing it lightly.

 

\- We’re here for you, Stiles. I promise, we are.

 

Stiles nodded, and gave Scott a one-arm hug while Lydia was still holding his hand.

 

\- Go on, he’s waiting for you, Lydia said before both of them left.

 

He took the last steps and stare at the tomb stone, in front of him. 

 

\- Hi Derek. I… I’m-I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t come sooner.

 

His vision became blurry and he dropped to his knees.

 

\- I miss you. I just miss you so much, you asshole, he yelled throwing angrily the flowers to the tomb stone. Why did you have to be such a self-sacrificing asshole ? But I could never thank you enough for what you did. But it doesn’t matter now, does it ? You’re gone. You’re never coming back, I realize that now. I left tons of messages on your phone, you probably will never hear them, anyway. they’re just silly messages, nothing important… Not anymore. Thank you for saving my father, Derek. Thank you for saving him multiple times and that one time. Thank you for saving me too… I just… I just don’t know what to do without you here, anymore, he sobbed violently again, I miss having you around. I miss you teaching me how to fight, I miss our nights at my house, I miss you and my dad cheering for your favorite baseball team, I miss us arguing about what team is the best or what’s the greatest pizza - That’s the hawaiian, and you know that. I… The worst is that, I can’t even be angry with you to help the grieving. I can’t blame you, I can’t be mad a you but I am at the same time. I am so angry at you for putting yourself in front of my dad instead of just pushing him and yourself out of the way to avoid that bullet. I’m mad at you for making me witness you saving my father and dying at the same time. God, I want to punch you so badly, Derek. I hate you. I FUCKING HATE YOU, DEREK. You killed me too, you took a part of me when you died. People die, people left because they could carry the grief. I can’t carry it either, Derek. I have blood on my hands and my heart is killing me all the damn time, I can’t sleep at home, I’m only able to have a 3 hour of sleep at your loft just to be waken up by nightmare. But they are NOT nightmare, that’s what happened. Over and over again and I wished I died too, I wish I didn’t have to carry all of that. I wish you would have stayed instead, I know you would’ve taken care of dad. No, I wish we could’ve all stayed alive, I wish you were here and most of it all, I wish you knew how much you mattered to me and my dad. You were not alone, we cared deeply for you, you became part of the family just to be taken away from us and I fucking wish I had never met you, I wish Scott never dropped is inhaler, I wish Peter wasn’t such a monster and I fucking wish Kate Fucking Argent was hit by a fucking truck and died before she abused you and kill your entire family. I wish you could have been HAPPY, just like we all deserve to be. You were a terrible Alpha… But you were an amazing friend, and a wonderful person. My mom would’ve liked you, I know she would. I wish you could have had a normal life, even while being a werewolf. Maybe we would’ve met, maybe not, we never know. I am glad that I had the opportunity to have you in my life because you made it better, easier and more bearable after the episode of the Nogitsune. I love you, Derek. I don’t know for the others but my dad and I, we loved you with all our hearts. And we still do. 

 

\- He would’ve been a great cop. 

 

Stiles turned his face to his father while moving to stand up.

 

\- Yeah ? Stiles asked with the first genuine smile since a long long time.

\- Yeah. He did great at the test. He was amazing. 

\- That he was, he nodded.

\- Can we go ?

\- Yeah.

\- Okay.

\- Bye Derek, I’ll see you soon. I miss you, buddy.

 

 

_« If you were with me tonight_

_I’d sing to you just one more time_

_A song for a heart so big_

_God wouldn’t let it live »_

 

 

_«  ON SLEEPLESS ROADS, THE SLEEPLESS GO »_

**Author's Note:**

> The title is from the song " The Spirit Carries On " by Dream Theater. Also it's my second attempt at writing something Sterek related but this time, I thought I would go for a one shot. The lyrics you read on the fix are from " Hear You Me " by Jimmy Eat World, this is a terrible song which make me cry every time I feel a little depressed so I told myself ' Hey, let's depress other people ! '... No really I am genuinely sorry for killing Derek. I don't want that, he's my favorite character on the show with Stiles so please Jeff, let him live. But if somehow Jeff kills Derek, that would be how I would want him to be remembered.
> 
> Also, my tumblr is http://allabouthobrien.tumblr.com , if you want to talk or ask me something not related to the fic, please do it on my tumblr, it'll be easier :). Thank you for reading and sorry for the mistakes you'll probably spot, I'm French so my English isn't perfect and also, it's 4:30 in the morning, I wrote all night...
> 
> Also, comments and kudos are really really appreciated, let me know what you thought of this.


End file.
